A Dilemma in Honesty vs. Protection of Feelings

[Lisa Robinson]

I like honesty.  Hard as it is at times, I'd rather someone tell me the truth than spare my feelings.  However, I know that not everyone feels the same way.  Sooo I have a small dilemma I'm trying to resolve.  

Somehow, I got linked to this app on Facebook that sends out birthday cards to people and indicates that it is one I have created for them.  I have tried to find the source and disable it but so far have been unsuccessful.  In the meantime, people who would not expect such a thing from me are really delighted to receive these cards.  I don't have the heart to bust their bubble.  But it feels disingenuous to have them think I'm sending out a card that I'm not.  On the surface it seems small but it has presented me with quite an ethical dilemma.

If it were me, I would rather hear that it was a glitch and the person did not mean to send it.  What would be your choice and why?  What would you do in this situation?  

[Bit Brush]

I think you did a good job explaining it here...why not just explain it to your friends the same way.

My maternal grandparents let us know that there would not be gifts and cards sent to us grandkids. Now there are a bunch of us. I understand, now, the kind of effort it would have taken them just staying on top of all that. In the FB world, you can have hundreds of friends and it would take an effort to do this manually and I don't like the impersonal automatic greetings. If people have a problem with it, they just haven't thought it all through. 

Being friends on FB doesn't mean I must dedicate regular time just to keep people happy. It exists to keep people connected...leave it at that.

[Ryan]

Find the glitch.  Call it a day.  This stops the bleeding and prevents further misunderstanding.  Don't go back and say you didn't mean to send them a card because at some point you did.  That's why you signed up for that crazy app.

Also give your friends some credit.  They can tell the difference between automated messages and regular ones.  If anything they probably got several from the same app from different users.

But number one: cancel that "service"!

[Holly]

Actually, I saw one of the cards and it was kinda bubbly. I wondered about it... then thought, well, maybe Lisa's gone all...bubbly. ;) Not likely, but you never know.

Really, if people don't know how dumb Facebook (and its associated glitches) can be by now...I think everyone understands  - and probably wouldn't take it personally. If they do, they need to put on some big girl/boy pants. Really.

[Daniel]

I'd find something more worthwhile to loose sleep over. LOL  If someone does something nice for me by accident, I'd rather assume they are being nice than have them tell me they are not.  

[Kim]

I recently recieved one of those cards from you but can't view it. Twice I tried to go to the site where it was generated and there is a pop up ad that covers the card and no way to close the ad and view the card. The ad is for other facebook apps, games etc. plus of course you have to accept/allow certain access to your privacy and allow certain automatic postings to even get to the site with pop up ads for more apps that want you to allow acess..etc...very circular :

[Norrin Radd]

That's why I never use FB apps or respond to game requests.

[Alex Guggenheim]

Since you administer your FB page thus all external apps have to have your approval and since these are not offensive (JW's not withstanding) I would bear the burden yourself and not pass the conflict onto innocent others by personally informing them. However, a tactful general post might be possible asking if anyone knows how to remove the app because you do not like their taste in bday wishes and prefer, instead, to make your own bday posts. This way people are not told something they received from you which may have given them joy was not intended rather that something even better was intended and if the problem is fixed those in the future you wish to send personal bday wishes you may do so and those you don't won't know any better seeing nothing was taken from them that they had received. I was taught the principle of bearing problems under my control as ones I should remedy with the least involvement of others since ultimately it is my problem and not that of others.

[Lisa Robinson]

Holly, I can do bubbly.  Lord knows I have enough examples on Facebook

Holly said:

Actually, I saw one of the cards and it was kinda bubbly. I wondered about it... then thought, well, maybe Lisa's gone all...bubbly. ;) Not likely, but you never know.

Really, if people don't know how dumb Facebook (and its associated glitches) can be by now...I think everyone understands  - and probably wouldn't take it personally. If they do, they need to put on some big girl/boy pants. Really.

[Lisa Robinson]

It's a little sneaky but I like it.   Although I still have no idea how I linked to this app.  It certainly wasn't intentional.  I actually deleted some apps I thought were the source but the cards still keep coming.

Alex Guggenheim said:

Since you administer your FB page thus all external apps have to have your approval and since these are not offensive (JW's not withstanding) I would bear the burden yourself and not pass the conflict onto innocent others by personally informing them. However, a tactful general post might be possible asking if anyone knows how to remove the app because you do not like their taste in bday wishes and prefer, instead, to make your own bday posts. This way people are not told something they received from you which may have given them joy was not intended rather that something even better was intended and if the problem is fixed those in the future you wish to send personal bday wishes you may do so and those you don't won't know any better seeing nothing was taken from them that they had received. I was taught the principle of bearing problems under my control as ones I should remedy with the least involvement of others since ultimately it is my problem and not that of others.

[Alex Guggenheim]

One might also say it is discrete. As the idiom goes, "Discretion is the better part of valor". :)  I am looking into the app you mentioned myself. I am now curious about its attachment protocols.