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Q - What did the Calvinist say when he fell down the stairs?

A - Ughh! Sure glad I got that over with.

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Do you know why God the Father is left handed?
Because Christ sits on His right hand!
Humans have become so technically evolved that they can now make a living, breathing person. A summit of scientists believed that because they now had the power to create life, God was no longer needed. So they all decided that someone should go and tell God this. One man volunteered to go. One day he climbed a mountain and called upon God. "God! We humans now have the ability to bring people from the dead, we can create our own life, we don't need you anymore so you can leave us alone." God listened to the scientist and nodded his head. "Okay, I'll tell you what, if you can really create life, let's have a competition, if you can create a better person than me, I'll go, but we'll have to do it the way I did it in the old days." So the scientist agrees and begins to collect some dirt to make his person. God simply watches him and finally asks him what he's doing. "I'm using the dirt to make a person." God smiles, looks at the scientist and replies, "Go make your own dirt."
A man arrives at Heaven and Michael explains to him how some things work. “We will provide everything you need here but your mode of transportation is based on how faithful you were in marriage.” The man is satisfied to see that he is given a Volvo. While driving to his new home he sees one of his friends who also arrived that day parked on the side of the road crying in his Aston Martin. “Why are you crying?! You’ve earned an Aston Martin for your marital faithfulness!” he says. His friend looks up and explains, “Yeah, but I just saw my wife on a skateboard!”

How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Two...One to change the light bulb and one to cast out the spirit of darkness.
Question: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: ... change???
How many Pastors does it take to change a light bulb? One because if there are two or more, it would never get changed, all they would do is compare comgregrations. Lutheran joke.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Because the light bulb was predetermined before the foundation of time to be either eternally on or eternally off.
LOL! That is so true. :-P

Kevin said:
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Two...One to change the light bulb and one to cast out the spirit of darkness.
K got one;

Know what happened to the Dutch believers when they found out the German believers where drinking beer? The cigarettes nearly fell out of their mouths! Wahhhahahahahahaahah!
LOL!!! Rolling on the floor right now btw.

Kevin said:
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Two...One to change the light bulb and one to cast out the spirit of darkness.
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"

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